Mel's Space

20 Years Ago

2012-01-05T12:46:00.000-06:00


Hillsborough High School Photo by Richard Prado

This year marks 20 years since I graduated from high school. It's really hard to fathom. It doesn't feel like it has been 20 years most of the time. I just really don't feel like that much time has passed. But, it has, and I have to just face it.

When I was in high school, I wasn't one of the "popular" kids, although I seemed to know a lot of people. My friends were comprised of people from all sorts of "cliques" - from the "burnouts", ROTC kids, Band kids, dancerettes, choir and show choir kids, and maybe even what some considered "nerds." I don't think I was ever "cool," but I was okay with that, for the most part. I had some good times in high school, and had some good friends.

I don't think I ever really fit in to any specific mold. I was in choir, ran sound for our show choir (Sound System), was in drama club, and spent a year on Yearbook. I was not athletic by any stretch of the imagination, so I never did sports. I never had any reason to hang out with any cheerleaders or jocks, unless they were in one of my classes. I never once spent any time with them outside of school. Maybe some people considered me a nerd, but I never felt like one.

20 years later, and I have found a lot of people I knew (and some I didn't really KNOW) from high school, and I see where a lot of them have gone in their lives. I see a lot of success. Some are single, some are married, some are divorced, some have kids, and some don't. I kinda took a different road than many of them, and for a while it bothered me to see how I had not gone as far in life as many of them. Today, I feel different. I have traveled the path that I needed to, to get to where I am today.

I didn't go to college after high school. I ran away to another state with someone I thought I loved. It didn't work out, and I was back home in a few months. I later got married, and then got divorced. I still never went back to school. I did try school for a short time while I was married, but it didn't work out for various reasons. I kinda went from one dead-end job to another for many, many years. I moved from state to state, and didn't accomplish much. I just kind of floated around. In 2004, I gave birth to the best kid ever, alone. From then on, it was just us, and I knew I had to step up. I still was unsuccessful. I did make sure he had everything he needed. In 2006, we landed in a place where I had a great opportunity. I had a room to stay in, free child care, counseling to work on me, and then a chance to go to a technical school. I went to school for almost a year, and graduated with a 3.75 GPA in Accounting Specialist. That still didn't get me anywhere, as no one would hire me, for lack of experience. After a while, I found a job that didn't last (in a different field), and after losing that job, I moved to Kentucky. I now go to school and I am moving forward with my life.

I consider myself successful. It may not be what other people consider successful, but to me it is. Yes, I still have things I need to work on, and one day I will work on those things. But, for now I am very happy with my life. I have a beautiful little boy, a few good friends, a roof over our head, and a fantastic church family. I may not have come a long way since high school, but I have come a long way in my life. I am happy with me, and that's what matters. 20 years ago, if anyone had told me this is where I'd be in 20 years, I would have cried. Now, I smile. My ideas of success have changed so much.

Back in the Routine

2012-01-04T18:35:00.000-06:00

We are slowly getting back to our routine since school started back on yesterday. Of course, since last night was a scout night, we had to adjust to that, as well. Our normal Wednesday routine won't begin for another couple weeks, because there are special circumstances happening at church this week and next, and so we won't be there. My son played outside today for a while after coming home from school, then came in while I cooked dinner, and played some video games. After dinner, we watched a little TV, and he finished his "game time" for the night. We have a very special night time routine once he's had his bath, and I love it. We read a book (or a couple chapters). Then, before he goes to bed, he brushes his teeth, and we pray, and sometimes we do a nightly devotional.

Family night time prayer is something I learned about while I was staying with some people that I babysat for when my son was very small. I had never seen or heard of it until that time. When I saw them do it, I knew right away that I would do that with Gavin. We've added it to it, a little here and there, and do night time devotionals for kids. One of our favorite devotional books is Goodnight Warrior by Sheila Walsh. It was actually a gift by the author a couple years ago, and now that Gavin can read on his own, it is even more special. I've also found several night time devotionals online. This is one routine I really don't like to break, but during this last break from school, we kind of got out of it. We prayed every night, but didn't read or do anything else. I'm just glad we have started the routine back up.

Do you have any night time routines for your family?

School Daze

2012-01-03T20:04:00.001-06:00

If you have read my blog in the past, or if you know me personally, you will note that I began taking online college classes in the Summer of 2010. I am working on my Associates, and was planning on pursuing my Bachelor's in Library Science after, but that may or may not change once I finish my Associates. Some things have changed in my life, to make me question if that's what I still want to do in my future. That's another post altogether, though, and I won't waste this one on that story.

My new semester, Spring 2012, begins in 6 days. Since I am unemployed at the moment, I decided to up my credit hours by taking one extra class. While I was working, I tried to take three classes at once, and had to drop a class, because I just couldn't handle it. Now that I have some extra time, I thought I might be able to concentrate on a third class, so I am giving it a go. I am really looking forward to my new classes, and I can't wait to see what God has in store for me to learn over the next few months. One of my goals, organizing my time, is something I plan to work on during this semester.

At the beginning of each semester, I always start off putting together a calendar of everything I need to do, when assignments are due, and such, but have a hard time scheduling life activities around it. I hope to get better at this stuff. I am praying to get all done that needs to be done. I have a habit of doing well in one or two aspects of life, but falling behind in another area. I am praying that I can find the time and energy to not lack in any area.

Do you have any tips? If so, please feel free to share them with me here, and I might give them a shot.

Yes, I Am Single. So?

2012-01-02T14:35:00.002-06:00

I am single, and I am happy, for the most part. There are days I wish I was in a relationship, but I am not on the hunt for a man, because I wouldn't know what to do with one if I had one at this point. I say that kind of jokingly, but in all seriousness, I am not sure how I would handle having someone else around, since I have been alone for so long. I haven't even really "dated" since my son was a very little baby, and that was only very short lived. He is seven, now. I hung out with a guy I knew from junior high/high school that I found through MySpace (remember, MySpace?), a few years ago, and that ended REALLY bad, seeing as how he got arrested for child pornography, and since then I just fear exposing my child to anybody, especially someone I am dating. Even having friends hanging around my son makes me a little cautious. There were no "signs" that this guy was into this kind of stuff, and he had no record, since the 27 counts he incurred in 2009 was his first offense.

Anyway, back to the subject. I haven't really had a long term type relationship in over a decade, and I have been okay with it. I will always put my child first, and don't understand people who jump from one relationship to the next, exposing their children to one relationship to the next. It affects the kids, as much as it affects the people who break up. I see it all the time. I also see women who scour dating sites, looking for men, and putting their children on the back burner. I don't understand it. My child always comes first. If I ever do get a date, it will be a while before I would allow that person to be a part of my son's life. He is very easily attached, and I wouldn't want him to get hurt. I know a lot of people reading this won't agree with me, and that's okay. I am entitled to my own opinions, and I also am the one personally responsible for what happens in my child's life.

All this being said, I do hope that God places a man in my life, but if it never happens, I will be okay with it. There are a lot of men in my church and in scouts that can be male role models for my son, so I don't need to go out and find a man to fulfill that role. I am also not lonely. I have lots of things to keep me satisfied in my life, and I don't need a man to do any of that for me, either. I am not saying it is wrong for anyone else, it is just not for me. I have grown a lot in the last several years, and I am not out looking for a "quick fix" any longer.

If God does decide to bring someone into my life, I will be grateful, though, and strive to be the best possible me I can. I won't allow someone else to define me, or tell me how I should be. I've done that in the past, as well, and it never got me anywhere but hurt. I have a list of attributes I would want in a man, and I will not settle for anything less than what I have on my list. I will not date a non-Christian. That is the very first thing on my list. At this point, my priorities are to God first, Gavin second, and myself third. I will continue to work on those things, and whatever else comes along will just be a bonus.

Traditions

2012-01-01T19:19:00.001-06:00

I do not believe in superstition, but I do believe in tradition, and my whole life, as long as I can remember, no matter where I've lived, I have had black eyed peas on New Year's Day. I grew up in FL, and my mother always made black eyed peas in the slow cooker, and we were required to eat them every year. As I grew up, it became a tradition with me, as well. I also grew to like them. I don't remember liking them as a kid, and as an adult, I have tried different recipes, and tweaked them a little bit every year, and like them very much. There are other traditions that go along with it, that I never knew about. You can read more about them here. I don't remember my mother serving us greens (which is supposed to represent money), but she did serve cornbread. Of course, cornbread is something we always had with any kind of beans.

Today was no different. I got up this morning, and started on my peas. I have found I prefer cooking all of my beans/peas on the stove top, rather than the slow cooker, these days. I used to always use the slow cooker for everything, but once I tried it using a pot on the stove, I fell in love with that method for beans and peas from now on. Anyway, I started on my peas earlier, and they were ready to eat by lunch time. One thing I think that's great is that my seven year old loves them! He couldn't wait for them to be finished. He kept asking if they were done. He has never questioned why we always eat them on New Year's Day, until today. I explained the best I could about the tradition. I'm not sure how much he understood. I am happy that my son is interested in the traditions, and maybe when he grows up and has his own family, he will continue the same tradition.

I served my black eyes peas with rice, and had a roll. I didn't have any of the other traditional foods on hand, so I just went with what I had. I don't think my luck or life will be affected my my decision. The peas came out great, and we still have lots of left overs. Here's a picture of how they turned out:

What kind of New Year's traditions does your family have?

Good-bye 2011

2011-12-31T15:17:00.000-06:00

2011 is drawing to a close, and everyone is looking back on their year, and thinking about what all happened, and what they want to do differently in the next year. Some people are making resolutions, some are planning big things, and some people are just going with the flow. I am doing a little of all of those. I'm not making any real "resolutions," because I see too many people making them, just to mess up and becoming angry or upset at themselves. I have a few goals I would like to achieve, and they aren't unachievable goals, so I believe I can do it.

One of my goals is to become more organized, with my time, my house, and my life. I have always been one to live by a calendar, but in the last year or so, I have fallen out of that, and I plan to get back to it in 2012. I won't stress, though, if things don't go exactly as my calendar says. I am starting new classes in ten days, so I need to organize my time to fit in school work, Gavin's homework, church activities, Cub Scouts, housework, and any other extra activities that come up. I really hope to stay away from Facebook more, and concentrate on the things I just listed more.

Another goal is to become closer to more people. I have several people in my life that I talk to sometimes, but I am hoping to become closer to more people, and get to know a few more people better this year. I need a little more social adult time, and I am hoping to get some of that this year.

My final goal, which really should be my first priority, is to grow more in my faith in God. I have grown a ton over the last year, and I really hope to grow even more this next year. I have some more books I plan to read, and a new devotional I plan to start, beginning tomorrow.

I can't wait to see what God has planned for me and my little man in 2012. Whatever comes at me, I know He will be by my side, no matter what. What are your goals for 2012?

Trying Again!

2011-12-31T01:34:00.001-06:00

Well, 2011 is coming to a close, and I wrote absolutely zero posts in 2011. I guess it's time to try again. 2012 begins in less than 24 hours, and I have new goals and dreams, new wants and desires. I am embarking on a new journey heading into 2012 with fresh eyes. My plans for this year include attempting to organize my life and time better than I did in 2011. I have new classes beginning January 9, and I have new endeavors to pursue this coming year, as well. Stay tuned for more posts. I am not going to say I will try to write any certain amounts, like I have in the past, but I will try to post as often as I can. Feel free to come along with me, or not. I don't get much traffic on this page, but that's okay. I write more for me than anyone else.

First Time For Something...

2010-10-19T21:27:00.000-05:00

Are you shocked? You should be....two posts in one week. Actually, two days in a row...must be some kind of record. For me, at least. Well, don't get too excited, because this is not going to be much of a post. I just had a couple things I wanted to put down, in anticipation of a post to come, hopefully later in the week.

If you have read anything I have written before, you know that I have a son, and he means the world to me. Well, that son of mine, is turning SIX on Friday! I can't believe it! How can it be? Well, it is really happening. And, this year, for the first time since he turned one, he is actually having a birthday party! I am giving him a party. That is yet another strange concept for me, as I have never, ever, I repeat, EVER, planned a birthday party, for ANYONE, ever before. I have gotten a lot of pointers from on-line resources, and I have been to a few parties for children this summer, so I got some ideas from them. I hope I do okay. I hope Gavin is happy with the results. I look forward to making him happy, because he so deserves it. He is the best!

Family

2010-10-18T21:49:00.001-05:00

My child brought this home from school today. This is our family. This is the family he has known most of his life. We have other family members, but he has not known most of them, most of his life. It saddens me, just a little. I have parents, and so they are his grandparents. And he knows them, and has spent time with them. We live far away from them, but that can not be helped. We had to move to become the people we are today. Even when we lived closed to them, we did not see them often. Schedules just don't always permit that. That is just how life can be sometimes, I guess.

I grew up with a Mom, Dad, and two brothers. That was my family. I had a LOT more family that I hardly ever saw. I have family, including sisters, cousins, aunts, and uncles, that I have only seen once or twice, my whole life. We grew up in our own little world, it seems. We did not do big family dinners on holidays but once or twice my whole life. We had family who lived in the same town that we only saw occasionally. As an adult, I do not quite understand that. I moved away when I was 17, and I met a family that spent lots of time together. They saw each other as often as possible. They had Sunday dinners, they had weekend barbecues. They really knew each other. They loved to spend time together. I did not get to spend much time with them, but I enjoyed the time I did.

I have so many cousins, on so many levels (seconds, thirds, fourths), that I do not know who all of them are. I have met some on Facebook that I have never met in real life. I have learned of others that are no longer on Earth, that I did not even know existed until it was too late. I know some people can't fathom this, but this is my life. I grew up in Florida, and many of my family members grew up in Texas. We did not go to Texas but a few times when I was a child. Schedules and/or finances didn't permit it. That is just how life can be, sometimes.

I now have Gavin, who does not know any of these relatives, the same ones I did not know growing up, and schedules, and finances have not permitted us to meet them. I hope someday we get to meet them, before they are no longer on the Earth, or neither are we. I am so happy we have Facebook, and texting, and phones, and Skype. We are able to keep up, a little, with what is going on in each others lives. I hope someday to be able to meet, and allow Gavin to meet, his family on my side.

Gavin has two sisters, they share a father. Well, they share a father's DNA. They are both AWESOME women, and I am proud to have them as a part of Gavin's life. They accept him, and love him, and accept me, because I am his mother, and that makes me happy. They have a family, on THEIR mother's side, who accepts Gavin as part of their family, although "technically, biologically", he is not. They are awesome people, as well. They have invited us to Atlanta, to spend Thanksgiving with their ENTIRE family (HUGE), which only gets together, all together, for Thanksgiving every few years, because of their size, and distance from each other, and their other sides, with marriages, and what-not. We REALLY want to go to this family gathering.

We are planning to rent a car, and drive to Atlanta the night before Thanksgiving, after I get off work. It is about 7 hours, so it shouldn't be a problem. The only problem, so far, is coming up with all the money to get there. Gavin's sisters' family is raising a lot. And, they are doing a great job. I am also trying to raise some, as much as I can, to cover the trip. The only money I need is for the rental, gas, and maybe a meal on the way, and one on the way back. I have a place to sleep, and food provided, once we get there. I am praying that God permits a way for us to go. I am hoping this great opportunity doesn't pass us by. If anyone knows a way to raise some money, please let me know. My schedule is pretty full, between work, school, and Gavin between now and Thanksgiving. I am trying to come up with ways to raise some of the money on my own. The family is doing a great job, and I want to try and match their efforts. If you can help, in any way, please send me an email at mcd.mel74@ymail.com

Thank you for reading.

Mel

Writing Assignment

2010-08-25T20:52:00.001-05:00

This is a writing assignment I did for my Writing I class. I just had to share it.

Prompt 3: Describe someone who is important to you, such as a friend or relative.

My son is the most important thing to me. His name is Gavin, and he is five years old. He brings light to my life when I am encased in darkness. I can honestly say that I would die to save his life. I cannot say that about anyone else on this entire planet.

Gavin is a very bright little boy, with, I am hoping, a wonderful future. He remembers everything he learns, sees, touches, and tastes, and can describe it months later as if it happened the day before. He is in kindergarten this year, and he is taking it all in. He comes home daily with descriptions of his day's activities, making sure to detail everything for me. He can be so descriptive with his words, I feel as if I was in the classroom with him.

Gavin was premature and weighed less than five pounds at birth. He has Cerebral Palsy and Epilepsy. His CP is very mild and only affects his leg muscles, for the most part. He is completely ambulatory on his own, but wears orthotic braces. This being said, he is a regular five year old. He gets bumps and bruises, just like any other little guy. He does not realize he is any different from any of his friends, with the exception of the braces.

My little guy is obsessed with super heroes. He likes them all, and does not have a favorite. From day to day, his focus shifts from one superhero to the next, as he “becomes” his superhero of the day. He has several costumes, and most nights, he substitutes his costumes for pajamas, and wears them to bed.

His physical description is simple. He has blonde hair and brown eyes and the biggest smile of any child. He is small statured, and very thin. When he meets someone, they are usually hooked. Most people draw close to him after the first meeting, because he just exudes light and happiness. I am not only saying this because he is my child. Feel free to ask anyone one else that knows him. They will describe him the same way.

I knew when seeing the title of this prompt that I would be writing about my child. I am sure many parents would write about their children as the most important person in their lives. Gavin is important to me, because I was told I would never be able to carry a child to full term, and although he was not full term, he was the closest I had ever become. He is my miracle. He has been my whole world ever since, and everything I work for, I do because of him.

Checking In..

2010-06-02T23:01:00.001-05:00

I made it through my first day of being a college student. Haha! I signed in yesterday and my class information was waiting for me. I opened up the syllabus and read through it, looked at the class assignments, and printed out the information. I had to make a calendar to remind me of when everything is due for both classes. I will get my actual assignments for the next class on Monday. I am actually okay right now. I am not too freaked out like I thought I would be. I have a lot to read and a lot to remember before my first quiz on June 8.

This next couple of weeks are going to be busy. I have some things to take care of at home, and I also have VBS (Vacation Bible School) all next week. I have volunteered to be a teacher's helper, and Gavin will be attending, plus I will have work and school. And Gavin. I ask for prayers that I will make it through next week. I know I can do it, it is just going to be tough. I will try to update, but I might miss a post next week. I am sure I won't be on Facebook or Twitter much, either, unless I am able to sign in while at work.

School Daze...

2010-05-26T15:05:00.002-05:00

As some of you know, I went to school a couple years ago and nothing ever came of it. I could not find a job in my field, because of lack of experience. The school had no internship program for ‘Accounting Specialist”, so I basically have a certificate that is kind of useless. Although, it does look good on my resume for future endeavors, I suppose.

Well, I decided, after much deliberation and prayer, to go BACK to school, and so I am. I have enrolled in online classes for the summer semester and will start on campus in the Fall. My first online class begins on June 1. That is less than a week away. I am starting to get a little nervous, as I have not ever done traditional college, and online classes (in the summer) may have been a poor choice. I only say that because I already have to get used to school, and of course, summer classes are shorter, so require a lot of extra effort. My first classes are Intro to Music and History of Kentucky. This is an interesting combination, since they are basically both history-type classes. Well, The Kentucky History class is definitely history, but the music class has a lot of historical references. I ask for a lot of prayer over the summer, for both myself AND Gavin, because I am hoping to be able to organize my time well enough to make sure he still gets lots of my time, as well as work, and school. I am working on organizing, and prioritizing right now, and hope I have it figured out, somewhat, by the time I sign on to my first class on Tuesday.

So, that is school in a nutshell. If you did read this, please let me know. I just want to know if anyone actually reads anything I write. God bless everyone and have a great summer. Look for more posts soon!

It Has Been Too Long....

2010-05-21T15:04:00.001-05:00

Well, I didn't follow through with my commitment. At all. On anything I committed to. I have not written since February, when I had made a commitment to write at least one post a week. I have not been exercising like I should be, although I made a commitment to myself to do so. I have also been eating whatever I wanted, although I made a commitment to myself to NOT do so. So, here I sit, feeling worse for wear, because I didn't follow through.

If you know me, you will know that is one of my worst attributes. I have a real problem with following through. I try and try and still I always mess up somehow. I even joke that I couldn't even make it through a full-term pregnancy, because my son was almost 7 weeks early!

My life is at stake here, when it comes to the exercise and eating better, and I still can't seem to get a hold on that. I have been feeling awful the last few weeks, and finally someone mentioned I might be lactose intolerant. So, I decided to just perform a little experiment. I am trying non-dairy or lactose free foods for a week, and see if I feel better. It is only the first day, so we will see how it goes. My blood glucose has been good the last few weeks, and I hope that continues to stay that way. I will be out of strips to test it soon, so I won't know. Just praying that I can keep up.

One more thing, and I will dedicate an entire post to this subject, but I am going back to school. I begin online classes on June 1. Like I said, I will write a post about that soon.

Back to my commitments. I am re-committing to post something AT LEAST once a week, even if it is picture or youtube video or something. Even if it is one line saying hi. I commit to exercising for at least 30 minutes a day AT LEAST three times a week. I know, that isn't much, but it is a start. I also am going to attempt to eat better. I will let you know how all of this goes in my next post. Be on the lookout for it. Until then, be blessed.

Mel

A New Beginning....Again

2010-02-23T09:55:00.005-06:00

I have always heard people say "This book changed my life", and always wondered how that could happen. Well, now I know. I set off to read this book, by Sherri Shepherd from The View thinking I would get a good laugh out of it. Well, it turned out to be much more than a few laughs. She woke me up.

If any of you reading this know me personally, you know I am very overweight. Even if you don't know me personally, you may have seen a picture or two that reflects that. Well, I also have Type 2 Diabetes and am on oral medication for it. Also, if you know anything about me at all, you know I have an AMAZING five year old son, named Gavin. He has broken through some great obstacles over his short life, and I am more amazed by him every day. And, I am all he has. I am a single parent. I have no help from anyone else to take care of him, and that is how it has been since Day One. The reason I bring that up is, because if I weren't around, he would have no one. I always knew that in the back of my mind, but I just kind of ignored it. Until I read this book.

Sherri Shepherd is a stand-up comic, actress, Co-host of The View and also a single mother with Diabetes. Her son was premature (just like my son), and has some delays. She wrote this book and in it describes her struggles every day to eat right and exercise, because she wants to see her son grow up. I really could relate, and I decided to do something about it. I prayed about it. Sherri is also a Christian, and in her book she talks about God a lot. I asked God to help me make some major decisions. I joined a gym, and I have started eating a little better. I am still not eating like I should, but I am taking steps toward it. I am taking my medicine as I should. I have made a commitment that on days my son is in school (Monday through Thursday), I will be at the gym. I have not skipped a day, yet. It has only been a few days, but I feel a little bit better.

She writes about many other things in this book, and I think all women would get something from it. Check it out, it is a very good read. This woman shows lots of strength. She is a human being more than just a celebrity. This book is available all over, so look it up. I got our local library to get it, before I had even read it, and before I started working there. I am so glad I did. I hope it changes others, or at least makes people think.

I just wanted to take the time to thank Sherri for writing this book. I know that God gave her the words, and He led me to read them for a reason. This book has changed my life.

Worth The Wait

2010-02-04T20:01:00.000-06:00

I am still not on the road, and this has been a hard time for me. The waiting is driving (no pun intended) me absolutely crazy. I have looked in the mail every day for my car title, and it has not come. I am still relying on others, and it is getting harder to ask for help. I did have some good news this week.

I got a job yesterday, and I start on February 15. I am going to be working part-time at the public library here in town. I am very excited. It isn't going to generate a huge income, and after my rent is adjusted and other parts of my income will be changed once I begin receiving work income, it really won't be much. But, it will be something, and I will feel better about myself for doing it. I have not worked since April of last year, so it has been 10 months since I received a paycheck, and I look forward to my first one.

I still have a few things to do to prepare. Gavin will be going to daycare three days a week, so I have to get him enrolled. I have the enrollment form completed, and I still need to drop it off. I also have a few other things to take care of. I will be working on those over the next week. I hope and pray I have my title to insure and register my car before several days before I begin work. I need to take Gavin to the daycare so he can meet the staff and they can meet him, because the first day he will be dropped off by the school bus right after school. I am trying to get all my ducks in a row. I will be working 4 days a week and one of those days is a Saturday. Gavin will have a sitter on Saturdays. This is a big step for me, since he has never had a regular sitter. He gets along well with everyone, though, so he should be fine.

I completely give God the glory for all that is going on. I have been walking in faith, and I am reaping the benefits of that. Things are working out. I need to continue praying and living for God and things and be okay with whatever He dishes out! That is my prayer, that I will be okay with whatever comes my way.

A Humble Lesson

2010-01-23T01:45:00.001-06:00

What a week! It has been a series of emotions this whole week. I had really high highs and really low lows, but I made it through. I found out this week that my drivers license had been reinstated in FL, and so I was going to be back on the road! I have been saving money and had enough to get everything I needed, my new Kentucky license, and my car insured and tagged in Kentucky. So, I started taking care of everything I needed to take care of. I went and got my Kentucky Drivers License. Then, I ran into a snag. I started looking for my car title, and couldn't find it. I searched through every piece of paper in my home, and then went to my car (which is being stored) and looked through it, and could not find my title. I had hit a bump. I called to find out how to get a duplicate title, and in the great state of FL, they just recently had a price increase on EVERYTHING and to get a duplicate, it was going to cost me. The price of a title in August 2009 was $29.25, but as of September 1, 2009, they jumped to $78.25! So, for me to get a duplicate title, to continue on my path of being back on the road, I would need to fill out a form I got online, print it, and mail it to FL with a check for $78.25.

So, today, I got up and went to the library, and filled out the form I needed, and printed it, and wrote out a check for $78.25 and mailed it. Now, I wait. I have no idea how long this will take. It has to travel to FL, and then they have to process it, and then Tallahassee will send me a duplicate title. Once I get the title, I can then go insure my car, and then take it to the courthouse and register it.

I have not driven my car since September, when I found out my license was suspended for an unpaid traffic citation I received a week after losing my job in April. I had forgotten all about the ticket, and had no idea my license was suspended, but was fortunate enough to find out before I was pulled over and arrested for driving without a license. This has been a very humbling experience, since I live in a town without any form of public transportation, and in September, I barely knew anyone in town. I live just far enough from the middle of town that walking to a grocery store would be impossible, especially with a young child. So, I had to start asking for help in forms of rides to the store and to and from church and anywhere else I needed to go. God has provided the people in my life to get us where we have needed. I am very grateful for those people. I have made some new friends through this.

I will be happy to be able to be on the road again. I will be able to start taking measures towards looking for a job again.I will be able to go to a store without having to make a whole plan of who is going to take us and when can they come. If I need something, I will be able to just walk out the door, get in my car, and go. And I can visit other people without them having to come pick me up and take me back to their house. Gavin is looking forward to it, too. We can leave his carseat in our car, instead of having to tote it around when we need to go somewhere. I do thank God, though, for teaching me a lesson in humility, and allowing me to be humble and asking for help when I needed it. Also, I thank God for putting such wonderful people in my life that have helped us for the last few months, and if there is ever a way I can help any of them, or anyone else, then I will do so.

Being Sick Ain't Pretty

2010-01-14T09:51:00.001-06:00

First off, I would like to say that I am hardly ever sick since I had my tonsils out and quit smoking. Those things combined made my life so much better, since I stayed sick for months at a time before I did.

I am now sick with Pleurisy. No one has explained what has CAUSED it, but that is what the doc is pretty sure I have. I have been sick now for almost two weeks, and I really dislike it. I started having pains when I breathe a couple weeks ago, and I just thought of it as uncomfortable pain, then it gradually got worse. By Sunday that week, I was in enough pain to mention it at Sunday School, and my SS teacher said it sounded like pleurisy. I wasn't having any other symptoms, except the painful breathing, mostly in my back, at that point, so I dismissed it. The pain lasted a couple more days, and I made an appointment to see my new physician for Thursday (1/7), but by Tuesday (1/5), the pain was so bad, it was now also in my chest, and I was starting to have some problems breathing normally, I ended up going to the ER. The doc at the ER said I sounded clear and he just thought it might be a muscle pain and sent me home with a new appointment with my doc for the following Monday and a Z-Pack, just in case it was a beginning of an infection. I went through several days of pain, including the fun snow days with my son, and didn't like it at all. By Monday, I was ready to see the doc, so I went to my appointment.

The doctor examined me, looked at my records from the ER (which was only a short physical exam), and told me he thought I had pleurisy. He prescribed a steroid for me to take for 12 days, another type of antibiotic, and a pain medicine.

I have been on the meds now for three full days and am starting my fourth day. I still feel bad. I had a good two hours in the middle of the day yesterday where it didn't feel as bad, but as soon as it came back, it was like a blow to the ribs!

The part I don't like about this, mostly, besides being in pain (which I REALLY don't like), is that I can't do a whole lot. When I try to do normal things, like cook dinner, or give my kid a bath, it knocks all the energy I have stored up, by sitting on the couch, right out of me. My house is a wreck, and I need to clean it. I would like to do a little more play time with my son. I look how I feel, as well (like crap). I just want to feel better soon. I have been praying to God to please heal me, and I know he will eventually, it just seems to be in His time, not mine. Which, of course, is His design.

So, in the mean time, I have been catching up with old friends on Facebook, and I have been reading my Bible more. I am on a challenge this month to read 31 Chapters of Proverbs in 31 Days. Today is Day 14. I have actually been able to keep up. I am growing more in my walk with Christ, by also reading a lot of Christian blogs. I have found amazing writers through other amazing writers, and have had a lot of life's lessons revealed to me over the last several days. I added some of them to my Blog Roll, and I encourage you to read them, as well. And you can find others from their Blog Rolls, and people who comment on their posts. If you have the time, it would be very rewarding, I promise.

Thanks for taking the time to read my post. If you read it, please comment. I would like to know what you are thinking of my blog. I have kept up my commitment to myself, as well, so far, and for that I am truly grateful. Until next time.....

Snow!

2010-01-08T13:45:00.001-06:00

We woke up Thursday morning to a phone call from the School Board saying there was no school. I knew there would be a chance of this, and had prepared Gavin by telling him it MIGHT snow, and he MIGHT NOT have school. Well, he was excited, because, as you know, we are from FL, and it does not snow there, and we had never seen snow! Well, the phone call woke us both, and as soon as I told Gavin, he ran to the window and GASPED! He was amazed at all the snow on the ground and wanted to immediately put on his boots and jacket and gloves and go out in it. Well, it was not yet 6 AM, and still dark, so I convinced him to wait until the sun had risen. He kept going to the window to see if it was light outside yet, and was discouraged every five minutes until a little over an hour had passed. We finally got to gear up and go outside and we were both SO THRILLED! This is how he looked the very first minute he was standing in snow:

As you can see he is so excited! And it is still kinda dark outside. We had such a good time, he liked the way it crunched beneath his feet when he walked, he loved running around in it and leaving giant footprints behind, and he liked trying to make snowballs. I had to make snowballs for him, and then hand them to him, so he could throw them....at me! That is true love when you do something so someone else can target you. The smile on his face never wavered throughout the whole time we were outside. He had so much fun. I was thrilled, as it was my first time seeing the powdery white stuff as well, and I really enjoyed everything about it. I kept looking around and thinking about God and how He is perfect and how beautiful a world He has designed for us to live in. He amazes me more and more every day. Gavin's favorite part of playing in the snow was making snow angels. We went out three times total yesterday and he made so many snow angels. My child is awesome and he loves the snow, and he knows that God made the snow. So, today we still have snow on the ground, and we are going to go back out and play in it and make snow angels to glorify God. I have to try to remember to glorify God in everything I do today. Without Him, I wouldn't exist, and without Jesus Christ, I wouldn't be who I am today.

Please Stop Judging Me: A Rant

2010-01-02T12:23:00.002-06:00

I am so tired of people downing me because of how I am surviving! I have had so many people talk crap to me lately about getting assistance. Ya know, I am doing what I need to do to take care of my family and if you don't like it, don't talk to me. I will not need assistance forever! If I didn't get assistance, my child would be in foster care, where the GOVERNMENT would be paying to house my child with people he doesn’t know....At least he is with me, and I think that is more important than any assistance I get. I am just so over this. I am a single mom of a special needs child living in a screwed up economy. I am doing the best with what I have! I have an education, but that education has failed me. I am unable to find work in the field that I worked so hard in school for. I do not feel like the world owes me anything! I am not just some welfare mom asking for handouts. I WANT to work, I WANT things for me and my son. I have been jumping through all kinds of hoops, and I am working on going back to school YET AGAIN. It just scares me that if I go to school again, that again I will be looking for work and not find it. No one has hired me because all I have is school and no experience. If I go to school again, who is to say that is not going to happen again?

I know it was MY decision to bring my child into the world, and I would not give him up for anything. He is my whole life. His existence changed me, for the better. I might not be alive today if it weren’t for him. His existence renewed my faith in Jesus Christ. I know God gave him to me for a reason. My son is destined for great things. And if it takes me having to live on food stamps and a little government assistance for a while, then that is what I will do.

I know that I have made poor decisions, but I cannot change any decisions I have already made! And I don’t have any regrets, because everything I have done in my life has brought me to where I am today. For me to work, I may have to have child care assistance, as well. Will I get snubbed by people yet again? I have no family where I live, and even if I lived where my family lived, they are not responsible to take care of my child so I can work. That is up to me to find the help out there. So, the people who have family willing to help them, I think that is awesome! Instead of snubbing others who don’t have the family support, you should be thankful for the help your family gives you. Not everyone has that.

I started working at 14 years old. I have worked since I have had my child. I have not just sat on my butt collecting welfare since he was born. I went to school to better my life, and it hasn’t bettered my life in any way, except by showing me that I can finish something I started. I don’t have a husband, and I don’t think I ever will. I am a survivor, though. Most of you have no idea what my life was like before I came back to the Lord. I am working so hard in deepening my relationship with Jesus Christ on a daily basis. I just hope someday you feel the same connection with Him. I am so sorry you are not willing to just let me be who I am without judging me, because I will continue on this path with or without you. I just hope it is with you.

Our Life In A Nutshell 2009

2009-12-30T20:58:00.007-06:00

Dog Allergies

Asthma

Car Trouble
Finding Gavin's Sisters

Hospital

Car Trouble, again

Hospital, again

Double Ear Infection
Unemployed
Father Prostate Cancer
Botox Procedure (under anesthesia)
Serial Casting
Moving to KY
3 Day Road Trip
Shriners - Lexington
New AFOs

Grandmother Passing
Moving to New Apartment
New School
License Suspension
MRI (sedated)
72 Hour EEG
Soccer

New Church
New Friends

Loss of Relationship With Best Friend
Father Radiation
Ronald McDonald House
Snow
Eye Muscle Surgery
Awesome Christmas

Happy New Year!

So ready for a new year. I hope to strengthen my relationship with Christ in 2010. I hope to stay focused, and I hope to do what is best for me and my son. I am his mother, his teacher, his protector, and his leader. I want to continue to lead him into the right direction. He amazes me at every turn, and I know 2010 will be a fantastic year - for both of us!

Good Day

2009-12-26T02:09:00.001-06:00

Today was a good day. We sang Happy Birthday to Jesus, and we opened presents from Santa. My son's face shown excitement and he said "Awesome!" almost every time he ripped the paper from a new gift. I couldn't have asked for a better Christmas. I feel very blessed to have such a wonderful son, and a roof over my head that is safe for us, and new friends in our life. I am ready for a new beginning. I feel like I am home for the first time since I have lived here, and it feels wonderful. Thank You Lord, for making all this possible.

New Year - New Beginning

2009-12-23T16:11:00.000-06:00

I know, I know, that title is so generic, and everyone always starts out a new year trying to say they are ready for a new beginning. But, I really am ready for some big changes in my life to happen this next year. I have not written on this blog in a REALLY long time, and I am planning on making it a goal to blog at least once a week beginning in 2010, if not more. I am not giving myself a maximum - if I feel like writing, I will write. I just want to see where this goes. I really doubt I will even have any readers. But, beginning in 2010, I might even let people know this blog exists, so I will just have to see if anyone decides they want to read it or not. I bombard people with multiple status reports on Facebook all day long, so I am thinking maybe a blog might be a better outlet, so as not to clog up someone else's feed with all my little stuff throughout the day. Instead, I can just write to myself throughout the day, and then post it all on here once, and then just share it on Facebook. We will just have to see. So, this is gonna be my 2009 wrap-up, even though I haven't even posted in 2009..lol. Just gonna write it down, what all happened in 2009, and see how it goes. Bear with me, and if you can't take the length, I am sorry. You can always check back in 2010 and see if my posts have shrunk in size.

Well, at the beginning of 2009, everything was going pretty well for me. I had a great job, and Gavin was doing well in school. Gavin had missed a few days because of illnesses of varying degrees, and I, in turn, had missed a couple days of work. Starting around February he started getting sick a lot more than normal, and I started missing work more frequently. I had no back-up babysitter and so if he missed, I missed. Also, I started having car trouble around that time, as well. Work was not enjoying me missing so much, because I had things to do and I wasn't getting them done in a timely fashion. So, needless to say, in April, I lost my job. They had given me multiple opportunities to redeem myself and it just seemed like nothing was helping, so I understand their need to remove me from the equation.

So, there I was, without a job, again. I had gone to school for Accounting Specialist, which is basically just learning basic Accounting Principles, and bookkeeping skills. I had not worked in the industry, only learned the basics. Once I had graduated, no would hire me without experience. My last job was as a Marketing Assistant, which basically just meant do what the Marketing Manager asked me to do. I loved it!

Anyway, so I could not find a job, and my rent was starting to become a problem, and there was no place for me to go in FL, and I had a friend I knew from Morganfield, KY. I had never heard of it, until I met my friend in 2006. She offered me a place to stay in Morganfield, and said they had apartments that were low-income apartments that had no waiting list. Typical wait time in FL was two to four YEARS, so I prayed about it and looked at all my options, and it felt like the right idea. So off I went (well, came) to KY.

The trip was long, and we made it here in three days, with a side trip to Shriners Hospital in Lexington. My son needed casts off, and so we made our appointment up here so we could go ahead and get familiar with the Shriners here. Gavin has been with Shriners since he was two and they always take good care of him.

We moved here in June, and were in our apartment in July. I like it here. I have had some ups and downs here, but I have found a wonderful church home, and Gavin has some good friends already. He played soccer this fall and is in school, and just enjoys life. Gavin had surgery on 12/10 and we had to go three hours away to have the surgery, but he lots of people who prayed for him and asked about him during the whole process. We have also been blessed this year for Christmas, he has had a lot of blessings. He is just a great kid in general, and I can't wait for the next year to see what all happens.

So, after reading this, if you still would like to read my future posts, I hope you don't get too bored. If not, I understand. This is just kind of an experiment on my part. And the choice to read or not is your own. I have set my goals, and I think my writing may improve if I continue on this. Just let me know what you think. This was just kind of a "catch-up" post. I am sure once I start weekly posts, my writing style will change. But, ultimately the people reading decide if they want to continue. I hope you do.

Merry Christmas everyone and I wish you a Blessed New Year! Looking forward to beginning on a new adventure.

Times A Tickin'

2009-06-07T22:57:00.001-05:00

Ok, I know I haven't blogged in a while, but I figured I would just try it tonight (or actually morning), just to see what comes out. No one ever reads these anyway, so i can say whatever I want and no one will criticize me.

I am about to begin an adventure. A BRAND NEW adventure. I am moving to Kentucky in less than 72 hours. Yeah, in less than 72 hours. I am so excited and scared at the same time.

I am leaving behind some very wonderful people, but I know I can keep in touch with them. That is the amazing power of the Internet, and Social Networking such as Myspace, Facebook, Twitter, and Plurk. Never mind e-mail, and text messaging. There are so many ways to communicate (I forgot Skype!), that it will seem like I am not even gone from anyone's life really, and they are not gone from mine.

I am going to miss my dad, though. I know, I haven't always "gotten along" with my parents, but my dad and I have a specialness that only exists between father and (baby) daughter. And, he is about to begin his own journey, by beginning radiation treatments for prostate cancer, and I won't be here. I am also taking his grandson away, the only grandchild that he has truly known and been able to love in person in a long long time.

I have to move, I have no choice. I do not want to be homeless with my four year old son. It wouldn't be fair to him. I have exhausted myself trying to come up with another plan and couldn't find ANYTHING better. There are no openings in any shelters, there is no emergency asisstance for an unemployed single mom. There are 1000s of children homeless in the United States, and I do not want to put my child through that (again). We have been homeless before, but were able to live in a shelter for 17 months. I was truly blessed to have been able to stay in that place. Although it was not the ideal place for anyone to live, it was a safe place for me and my son to stay so that I could better myself and go to school. Having education has not helped me yet, but it might someday, and for that I am truly grateful.

I am really excited about moving to Kentucky and beginning a new chapter in my life. I am also very excited about being able to hang out with my BEST friend, Carla. She is truly my best friend in the whole wide world. We talk almost every day, but it will be nice to see her smiling face in person.

I plan on trying to write while I am traveling, as we are going to take our time going up there. Gavin has an appointment for new casts (that's another story) on Thursday, so we are going to take it slow. I have never traveled far with Gavin, so this should be interesting.

Anyway, in case someone DOES happen to read this blog, please pray for us. We plan on leaving from Wesley Chapel (where my folks live) arouns 8 AM EST on Tuesday, June 9, 2009. So, if you are up and thinking around that time, or any time after, feel free to pray for us as we begin our new lives in an unknown territory.

Thanks and God Bless you all!

I am a Graduate..

2008-06-13T19:37:00.002-05:00

Well, I did it.
I finally did it.
I still can't believe I actually did it.
I finished school yesterday.
This is the first time in my whole life that I have completed ANYTHING, with the exception of high school, and I finished that late as well.

If you read my last post, you know that I had been given some extra time to complete my courses at school. I was given four extra weeks to complete four chapters, and to complete four tests. I missed the first week, due to MORE illness, and then finished two weeks and two days later, one week early. My Grade Point Average is about a 3.7, and I really don't know how that happened. Out of all the classes I took, I only had two grades below an A, and they were two C's. I am not sure how much of the program I actually remember though, and I hope and pray (key word) that I am able to find a job in the field and remember what I learned when I begin the job.

God has not brought me this far to drop me, so I am sure I will be okay.

Ya see, I have been tested much the last two years, and God has carried me through many things. I was asked to leave my parents home with a two year old on Christmas Day, 2006. I was working for a family babysitting full-time, and they let me move in with them temporarily. They realized they couldn't help me anymore because they could not afford to pay me enough to move out and they really needed their space back. So, I went to work for another family, who told me after a week that it would not work out. I was now jobless, homeless and penniless. With a two year old. I did not know where I was going to turn, and didn't feel I could call anyone from my church family or any of my friends because everyone had been so proud of me and the fact that I had found something fantastic with the family I had moved in with. I remember sitting in my car the night after I was told I had two weeks to find somewhere to go, and I prayed and prayed, and was sure an answer would not come.

I had told one friend what had happened, only because she and her family were friends with the family that had told me to leave, and she directed me to this place that had a program for self-sufficiency for families that were homeless or at-risk of being homeless, so I went there. Anyway, it is a long story after this, but after lots of God intervention and some time, I was accepted into this program. I have been here since March 20, 2007. I have spent two Easters, a Thanksgiving, and a Christmas in this place. They had daycare scholarships with an on-site daycare so that I could go to school. They have been very understanding with my health issues that I have been going through lately and are being very supportive of the surgery I am having next week. God sent me to this place. I am sure of it. I only have a few months left here, and I am grateful for the time I have been able to stay here. It is a hard place to live in, due to all of the different personalities here, but I have still stayed and not been asked to leave. My son has thrived in their daycare and with all the children in the program, and I am very grateful.

This blog started out as one thing, and turned into something completely different, but I am not a real blogger. I am just beginning my journey in this life, so I can be forgiven minor things like a subject change in the middle of a post, right?

Thank you God for everything you have given me, the big things, and the small things. I am truly grateful.

Random Thoughts

2008-05-23T00:18:00.001-05:00

Ok, I am not a blogger, and probably no one will read this anyway, so I am just going to type what comes into my head. It is 1:00 AM and I can't sleep. I have been sick for 3 days now, and I still am sick, and it is driving me nuts. I just keep seeming to get tested, and I really want to move forward in my life, just to get hit with roadblocks all the time.

It all started in December. I had been perfectly fine, been going to school, and doing well in school, making straight A's, hardly sick, and then all of a sudden, I started to get sick. I stayed sick for a long time. I had ear infections, bronchitis a few times, pneumonia, flu, tonsillitis, ummm, even a sinus infection. I had a sore throat every day from December until now. I had been going to the doctor's and ERs since December and finally I thought it had all stopped, and then I realized, I STILL had a sore throat. Everything else had gone away, except that, and a little tenderness on the outside of my throat and a little in my ear. I went back to the doctor and he said well, it is NOT a virus, and probably nothing you can get rid of with antibiotic, since i had had many antibiotics already and nothing had killed the sore throat. He asked if I smoked, and I had just recently quit, something I am not proud of, I had started smoking again when my life seemed to be falling apart last year, but that is another post or just nothing to talk about here. So, anyway, he asked me if I smoked and I had just quit and he asked me how long I had smoked and all total I had smoked for a very long time, not including the 14 months I had quit before last year. He told me that there is a possibility it could be cancer, and told me to see an ENT. So, there it was, i am 33 years old and have the best little 3 year old little boy in the whole universe and he told me I may have caused myself to get cancer. I cried, but then I prayed. I said, there is no way that is what it is and if it is, i will be okay, cuz it can be healed. I went on with my day and made my appointment with the ENT.

Then I graduated on Friday (5/16). Well, I went to graduation. I still have a few chapters I have to finish in a one class to actually get my diploma. So, I am all psyched about that, and go throughout my weekend, and my son wakes up on Monday morning with a FEVER. So, no school on Monday for me. Day one. Then on Tuesday, I do make it into school, I take a test for one class to finish and plan to take another the next day just to finish a class, and I am sitting in class and start to feel a little ill. I decide to go ahead and go home because I didn't have any work i could really do, since I had to wait until the instructor lectured the next day with the new class of Accounting 3 students and I needed that lecture because that was a chapter I needed to get my diploma.

Well, I go home, and before i can make it home, I have some tummy problems. Well, I won't go into detail, but I have been sick in different ways for the last three days, going on four. I still can't eat without it leaving my body too quickly in a very disgusting way.
I went to see the ENT yesterday and they performed a scope procedure that looked into my throat and he decided my tonsils have to come out because one was EXTREMELY enlarged, causing all the problems, and he wants to test it once it is out. So, I have not been to school this week, so I have not done more school work, and I have to have surgery.

These are my tests. I am just going to continue on plugging away, trying to finish my assignments before June 20th, which is my surgery date. And after my surgery, I will recover as fast as i can (and it will not test as cancer), and i will get a job to support me and my son. I will write in another blog another day about where i live and my situation. I know my situation, and like i said, i am sure no one else will be reading this blog, so i am cool.

Okay, this was really really long.
Good night!

Change Is Good

2008-04-28T00:55:00.001-05:00

Ok, I just need to write something to vent. I am having another sad day because I had to say goodbye to two special people from my life today, and that is the second time in a month I have had to do that.

I know that the people I said goodbye to today are moving forward with their life and following God's calling. It just hurts me because they were part of my life for a short time but it was an important time in my life when I needed people like that.

I first met this couple when I was trying to find a new direction in my life and was searching for a new home church. I was looking for a church that offered some sort of singles' Bible study or Sunday School class. I had checked out a couple other churches looking for those things and the classes they offered and the groups they had just didn't feel right to me, I just didn't click with the people in those groups.

I visited a church because my friend went to church there and she also worked there and I just thought I would check it out. I went one week and then went back the following week because they were having a Car Show. I went to check it out and while I was there I struck up a conversation with the Worship Arts Ministry leader guy and his brand new wife about a singles ministry at their church. He had been the leader of another singles group in his former church and so we discussed it and he said he was actually working on that and for me to keep coming back to see what happened. The next week he had it all set up with a starting date.

That group, The Next Level, has been a very important part of my life over the last 2 years. I haven't been going to group for a few months now, due to school, and I miss it a bunch.

Anyway, the leaders of that group, John and Sarah-Irene, have been there for me through a lot of stuff in the last couple years. We even stayed in their home when we were waiting to get into the shelter we are in now. And now they are following God's calling and moving to Atlanta.

I didn't think I would get real emotional over their departure, but it comes not too long after my best friend for the last year moved to Kentucky. Carla, I miss you a bunch! I went to a party for John and Sarah-Irene yesterday and I got a little choked up when everyone started singing for one last jam session with John. Today was really tough at church. He spoke and the vocal team sang a lot of songs and it just made me miss them more.

I just want to say Sarah-Irene and John, I will miss you guys so much. I will make sure you get lots of pics of Gavin, and I want pics of Molly, Mokey and you guys. I don't know when I will be able to make it to Atlanta, but as soon as I am able, I will be there to see you both.

Peace be with you!