Just a Few Words...

This is not going to be much of a post. I am having a bad day, and don't want to throw all my problems out here, so I have decided not to say much. I didn't want to miss a day, so I am writing. 

I do know that God is awesome, and He will make sure things work according to His plan. Of course, His plan may not be how I want it, I am sure. He has never let me down, and always made sure I had all my needs. I am praying for a few different situations in my life, and I am trying to have faith that He will take care of us, as He always has. 

Thanks for reading.

-Mel

Wordless Wednesday - Art by Gavin

God Bless America, land of the free!

Artwork by Gavin, age 7 (That's our family at the bottom, including Rosie the Wonder Pooch!

Duct Tape, Maybe?

My son is a very active seven year old boy. He is used to running to get where he wants to go, not walking. He does somersaults at random, and continuously is always finding something to climb or jump on....and he just had surgery, less than a week ago, and given a four week restriction...no climbing, running, bike riding, jumping, flips, playing around dirt, swimming, etc...

He doesn't seem to get how all that can affect the stitches in his eye, and tear them apart, causing big problems, that may include another trip to the hospital, making it even longer before he can do these things. He has been running around in the house, even after being told repeatedly not to. Also, somersaulting, hanging upside down on the couch, climbing on stuff...I am about to pull out my hair. All I can do is remind him, over and over if necessary, and pray. That is what I have been doing for the past few days. He seems to be even more active today, for some reason, and I have had to remind him several times. 

The next three weeks are going to be LONG...

He has several things to do here at the house, that don't require a lot of moving, thanks to some friends who gave him some card games, and some really cool building toys (Legos, and a set to build some other things), plus he has video games, and we have movies. He just is so active, and is having a hard time sitting still for very long. If you think about it, could you please pray for us? 

Thanks for reading!

-Mel

Another Random Monday

I am starting to wonder why I gave myself this challenge. I challenged myself to write every day until August 1, and I was looking at the stats today, and wondered if it was worth it. Well, I do believe it is worth it, for me. Like I said, I would write whether anyone read this or not. It is a great outlet, and great practice.

I know that I am not that interesting, but I am doing this for me, basically. I rarely get comments, although I can see a few people have read each of my posts. Sometimes I wonder if they just click on it, and then maybe not read through...lol. That's actually okay, too.

I baked today, for the first time in a long time. I made zucchini bread. It came out delicious. I really don't have anything else to write. Maybe tomorrow I will actually have a topic, and a real post. I'm sorry if you clicked on this, and were disappointed in my post. If you don't ever come back, I will understand. If you do, that would be great. I'd really like to be a better blogger, and hope one day to accomplish that goal. I think when I am done with my challenge, I will shoot for three posts a week...maybe in the days between I will have more stuff come up to write about. 

Thanks for reading.

-Mel

Day of Rest

We didn't do much today, and so this isn't going to be a very long post. I am still in the middle of my challenge to post something every day until August 1, so I wanted to write SOMETHING.

I began tracking my food again today, since it's July 1, and that's when I planned to start over again. I wanted to wait until we made it through Gavin's surgery, and since we would be away from home, I didn't want to stress my food log. I hope to get back to working out tomorrow, as well. It's way to hot to go for a walk in the park, so I will be doing something at home, probably using a DVD or a Wii Fit game.

Other than tracking my food, and going to church, it has been an uneventful day. We pretty much hung around the house, relaxing, preparing for the week ahead. It's been nice, resting. I don't get a chance to do this a lot, and after the weeks prior to this weekend, it was a nice change. 

Thanks for reading.

-Mel

Recipe Queen!

Anyone that knows me, knows I love to cook. I have always loved to cook, and when I was in high school, I seriously wanted to go to school to be able to cook professionally. Things didn't quite happen that way, and life went on, and I continued to cook. Sometimes I come up with my own creations, but I have found many recipes online throughout the years. Since I began eating differently, I began cooking a little differently, and researching healthier recipes. I have recipes printed out all over my apartment, bookmarked on my computer, and books of recipes in a tote sitting in my living room. I am always on the hunt for new things to try, that Gavin will also like. 

A few weeks ago, we started receiving our CSA produce. CSA stands for Community Shared Agriculture. That basically means that I paid ahead for a share of produce that I receive once a week, from a local farm. Since beginning to receive the boxes, I have been working on finding new and fun ways to use the veggies I receive each week. Today, I wanted to do something with the cabbage I had, to go along with the pork chops I was making. I also had some red potatoes, so I did a Google search, and found this recipe! I had all the ingredients, with the exception of the scallions, and didn't feel like going out in the heat (we've had temps staying above 100 degrees) for ONE thing, so I decided to just go ahead and make it, without the scallions. It turned out delicious! 

Another plan I have for this week is to make this zucchini bread and this squash bread. I had never heard of squash bread, but searched for it, and found this recipe, and read the reviews, so I was intrigued. We have tons of zucchini and yellow squash that I need to use, and so I am always looking to try new things. I have had a couple awesome squash casseroles, but am still looking for more ideas.

Each week, we never know what exact veggies we will get until we pick up our box, but I enjoy going through the box, and then trying to plan my week of meals around the produce that's inside it. I hope I can come up with some neat ideas!

Thanks for reading!

-Mel

I Am Gavin's Mom

I really enjoy being a mom. If you haven't been able to tell from my previous posts, I love my son with all my heart. He is the best gift I have ever been given, and I am blessed that he calls me mom. I never thought I would be a mom, and although he was unplanned, I can not imagine my life without him. He is far from a perfect child, and I am far from a perfect mom, but we somehow have made it work, in our own way, for the last 7 and a half years. 

I sometimes wish I was more like other women I see, and be great moms like them. You know the ones. Maybe you ARE one. The ones that feed their children the best food. The ones that always remain calm and loving, even when their children have done something wrong, and use nice sweet, calm voices to convey their messages. The ones that are crafty, and do all kinds of neat things with their kids, or for their kids. And, then there are the ones that always keep their houses clean, or that spend lots of time doing fun things with their kids. The cool moms. Some people I know possess all of the qualities I just mentioned, and some only possess one or two, but I share none of those qualities, really.

I feed my kid junk food or processed food on occasion. Not all the time, but sometimes. I cook several times a week, though, and try to include healthy foods, as well as healthy snacks in his daily meals. I am not always calm and loving. I get anxious, and yell sometimes, when Gavin "just ain't acting right." He knows I love him, and he gets me, though. I would never, ever hurt him or say anything to hurt him, though. I am FAR from crafty. Well, I can look up stuff online, and follow directions, when I need to, and we have done a few craft projects on our own, but most of the time, I am just not crafty. About the clean house, well, yeah...not me. I try, but I am just not a great housekeeper. He stays clean, all his clothes stay clean, and he eats using clean plates and utensils. I would never put him in danger by being unsanitary, or living in horrid conditions. We do try to do some fun things, though. That's one thing I try to do with Gavin, but I can't do as much as some. He has never been to Disney World, or on a boat, or done a lot of the most amazing things I have seen other people doing with their kids. Maybe someday...Oh yeah, and the cool moms...some moms just ooze "cool"...heck, I wish they were my mom sometimes! I am just a mom, that tries her best, with what she has.

I am what I am, though...I am Gavin's Mom. I still remember the first time I signed the papers for his Social Security card while I was in the hospital, and I had to write my relationship to him, and I wrote "Mother." That was when it really hit me that I was his mother, that I was now responsible for another human being for the first time in my life. Sometimes I wonder how God thought I was capable of raising this child, but God doesn't make mistakes, so I know it was the plan. I know I have made mistakes, and I know I will make more, but no matter what, this is what I was meant to do. And, this is what I will do for the rest of my life. I will be a mother. Gavin's mother. I will do whatever is necessary to meet the needs of my son, no matter what is going on in my life. I am truly blessed and grateful to be called mom.

Thanks for reading.

-Mel

There's No Place Like Home!

As grateful as I am that we were able to stay in the Ronald McDonald House for two nights, in preparation for, and after, Gavin's surgery, I have never been happier to be sitting at home in my broken-down recliner, sipping an iced cold pop in a glass sitting next to me on my coffee table, with my little guy on the couch across from me, playing his iPod. Yes, that was a very long sentence, but it is VERY true!

At the Ronald McDonald House, they have rules in place, that are completely understandable, to make life comfortable and clean for everyone, like no drinks or food in each room, or living areas, only in the kitchens. I am someone who almost always has a drink next to me, although it is usually water, and I am not sure if that is allowed, but I had that with me in my room there. I hope I wasn't breaking any rules. I am just glad to be home in my own house, and where I can use my own bathroom. The RMHC is still an AMAZING place, and I would recommend it to anyone who needed to be go somewhere because they had something going on with their child medically and needed a place to stay out of town.

Ok, on to Gavin's surgery: it went PERFECT! He had absolutely no nausea afterwards, thanks to some wonderful thinking anesthesiologists who gave him some extra nausea meds at the end  of his surgery, to combat it, since I had warned them he had trouble the last two times. He was, however, VERY "doped up" and doesn't even remember several hours, and couldn't move on his own for a while. He was in and out for several hours, even after they discharged him. He thought he had X-ray vision at one point. He told me the last thing he remembered was being in the OR and the room starting to spin when he was breathing through the breathing mask (that smelled like grape), and then he went to sleep, and the next thing he remembers, he was in the room at Ronald McDonald House and had X-Ray vision...lol. A LOT happened between that, but that's okay. Even after he started coming back, it took him a while to get his legs back, and we had borrowed a wheelchair, so I was pushing him around in it until I felt comfortable that he wouldn't fall. Once he was able to walk on his own, he was back to normal. Since then, he has just bounced back completely! If someone didn't know he had surgery yesterday, they never would know it,  unless they looked directly at his eye. He is hardly in any pain, just a little uncomfortable when he blinks. That's because he has stitches in his eye.

His biggest deal is that we thought he would have restrictions for only two weeks, because that is what I had read when I researched, but his doctor has said he wants his restrictions to be FOUR weeks. That means four weeks of no swimming, no baseball, no bike riding, etc, etc, etc... He is NOT thrilled with this fact, because during these four weeks there will be two swimming parties that he was invited to (one being his best friend, who you can read about here), his baseball league tournament, and a hike with his cub scout pack. He doesn't want him climbing, or doing any rough activities, which pretty much sums up his summer outdoor activities. He is super active, and I don't know how I am going to keep him from doing these things, except to keep him indoors. Even indoors, he seems to find ways to do these things. Last time he had this done, it was winter, so there was not a problem keeping him from doing these things. So, these next four weeks are going to be a challenge, but  I am sure we will get through them without too many problems. 

I just want to say that I am so very grateful that all went well, and that he is already bouncing back so easily, and ready to take on the world so quickly. I love my little man, and I am glad he didn't have to suffer through anything too rough.

Thanks for reading!

-Mel

Wordless Wednesday - Post Op

More tomorrow, but until then:

The Night Before

We are in Louisville, thanks to our wonderful friend, who drove us all the way here (about a three hour trip, each way), and will come to pick us back up on Thursday. I am so very blessed to have someone in our life to do such an amazing thing for us. We checked into Ronald McDonald House around 7:30, and ate a little dinner that we picked up before getting in. Once here, we hung out in our room, and just relaxed a bit. We have had cable issues, then Internet issues, then cable issues again. The Internet issues seems to have been fixed for now, but the cable issues are still going on, so we decided to pop in a movie that we brought, and are chilling out until we go to sleep. 

We have to be at the hospital at 8:30 AM (CST), and I think that is wonderful, because it is a later time than last time we were here, so we can sleep a little longer. The only issue I have with the time, is Gavin is going to probably be hungry, since he can't have anything to eat in the morning, and that's kind of late. He can have clear liquids up to 6:30, but I doubt we will be up that early, since that's 5:30 in our time zone, and that is too early, even for him. 

We are trying not to anticipate too much, because this could be a completely different (hopefully a little better) experience than the last time we were here, doing this same thing, back in December of 2009. It's kind of a strange feeling of  déjà vu, in a sense. We are even staying in the same exact room that we stayed in last time we were here! Isn't that wild? And, this morning, we weren't even sure we were going to have a room. They weren't sure they would have an opening here when I called this morning. I am so grateful we were able to stay. I am glad it's all working out - the room, our ride, everything. This gives me hope that all will be wonderful tomorrow. 

So, if you think about it tomorrow, please say a prayer for Gavin, and his doctor, nurses, and all support staff. I am praying that the anesthesiologist gets a good night sleep, as well! 

Off to finish watching this movie with my kiddo. We're watching Jack and Jill, and it is pretty funny. I love Adam Sandler. And, him as a woman is quite amusing.

Thanks so much for reading.

-Mel

Monday Rambling

It's Monday, and since it's summer, and I am unemployed, Monday doesn't really bring any kind of dread to our household, right now. If we didn't have so many scheduled events throughout the week, we probably wouldn't even realize what day of the week it is. School has been out for over a month, and Gavin has gotten used to staying up a little later, and sleeping in a little later. Of course, he still wakes up pretty early, no matter what time of the year it is. This time of year, though, he gets to stay up a little later, and he really likes that. During the school year, we have what we have dubbed "Stinky Fridays," where he doesn't have to take a bath, and can stay up as late as he wants, unless we have something to do on Saturday morning. If that's the case, he must take a bath, and go to bed at a decent hour. During the summer, those days have been shifted around.

Gavin is a pretty social kid. He loves to play outside with his friends, and will stay outside as late as I will let him. He rides his bike around the apartments, and will ride it over and over, on the same course. We have a rule, that he must come inside when the light in the parking lot comes on, and he has to be able to hear my voice at all times while he is outside. If it takes more than one time of me calling him, because he can't hear me, he comes in for the rest of the night, even if he has only been out for 15 minutes. 

As much as he enjoys his friends, and likes to play with them, he also has no problems playing inside alone, and keeping himself occupied. He does like video games, very much, but he also loves to read, and he loves to play other games, and play with all kinds of toys. He has lots of "action figures" and will correct me in a heartbeat if I call them anything but. He is particularly fond of wrestling, and has several wrestler figures, and a wrestling ring to play with them in. He is always doing something. It is rare to see him just sitting, doing nothing. He will watch TV or a movie, but he rarely sits still and quiet through an entire episode of anything. He is just all around active.

That's why this surgery is going to be tough, because there will be a few days where he won't be able to do his normal activities. I have some ideas of things to keep him busy, as much as I can. I didn't know this, but he told me that he remembers last time being in pain for a few days after the surgery, but I don't remember him saying anything about it. I know he'll be uncomfortable, and have that feeling of something in his eye (because there will be stitches in his eye/s), and I have to remind him not to rub his eye/s, as not to bust the stitches.  I just hope he isn't in much pain. I pray for comfort and peace for my little boy throughout the entire process. He is not anxious, as far as I can tell. He seems very calm, and looks forward to taking the trip, but doesn't look forward to not being able to open his eyes very well for a day or so. He remembers how it was 2.5 years ago.  

So, that was my Monday Ramble...I still don't have a lot of traffic on here, and it has actually become less over the last few days, so I guess I am not a good blogger. That's okay, though. I may not be entertaining, or funny, or interesting, but I am me, and I enjoy writing, so even if one person reads it, or heck, if no one reads it, that's okay. I would like readers, and even subscribers, but this is an outlet for me, and so far, I have gotten a lot out of it. Enjoy the rest of your Monday!

Thanks for reading!

-Mel

All Rolled Into One...

I've been cleaning most of the day, and I'm still not done, but I have had Internet issues all day, so I thought I would write this while my Internet was working. This is kind of a random mish-mash post of this past week's stuff, all rolled into one.

We are down to three days before surgery, and I know a lot of people are praying for us, because I am not as nervous as I was a couple days ago. I still am worried that something is going to go wrong, and we will end  up not being able to stay where we are supposed to for some reason, and scramble to find accommodations at the last minute. We are supposed to stay at the Ronald McDonald House in Louisville, but there is never a guaranteed room, and you can't make reservations. You call the morning of, after being referred by the doctor or hospital, and if they have a room, they will accommodate you. If not, I am not sure what happens. I sure hope we can stay there, because they have a shuttle from the hospital, and the place is really nice, the staff is excellent, and the price is fantastic! We won't have a car there, so the shuttle service is most important, and the price thing is also a pretty big deal. So, with that being said, I hope we can get in. Other than that, we don't have much else to do to prepare, except to pack, and I will do that tomorrow night.

Onto something else...

I know in a post earlier this week, I said I wasn't going to track food until July 1, or weigh myself, but I have been able to eat somewhat okay, and decided to track a few days, and then decided to weigh-in this morning. I had lost 3.2 pounds! It brought my total to over 38, and closer to where I was a few weeks back. I was so happy, I had to weigh myself three times to make sure I was right! I won't be able to log everything for a few days, as I won't know exactly everything I will be eating, most likely, but I am not going to worry about it. I had made up my mind to not focus on it until July 1, but couldn't help myself the last few days.

Well, my break is over, and I must get back to cleaning. I need to get my kitchen and bathroom done before I go to bed. That is one thing about me that is a huge problem. I am a bad procrastinator. So, you add the procrastinator in me to the busy couple of weeks I have had, it made for a crazy, busy, day of cleaning today and tomorrow morning. I hope everyone has a great week! 

Thanks for reading!

-Mel

Seven Days In A Row! Yay!

Oops!

I was sitting here watching a little "Leave it to Beaver" on Netflix, while Gavin was playing outside, and was about to go cut up a cantaloupe for our evening snack, and I realized I hadn't written a blog for today. I have been doing well on my challenge for myself, and I don't want to miss a day, so I logged on to Blogger, and decided to fix that.

Of course, I don't have much to say today. Today has been a day of rest for both of us. We have had a very busy week, and I just wanted to recuperate. Tomorrow begins another busy day. We have church in the morning, then will spend the rest of the day cleaning our apartment, in preparation of the inspection coming up next week. We live in subsidized housing, so we have quarterly inspections, and we get notice, but not the exact day they will be coming, only what week. So, we have to have it in tip top shape by Monday, just in case.

Yesterday, we went to the county fair. We had signed up to hand out cold water to people, as an act of kindness from our church. They have been handing out water to fair attendees and workers for years, on Friday night. We walked around with a cooler, asking people if they wanted some cold water. It was a lot of fun. 

People were very happy to get free water, because it was super hot, plus it was FREE. Everything at the fair is so expensive, so we were a thanked by many people. Our church is fantastic for doing acts of kindness in the community, and if just one person visits our church and finds the Lord, it shows it is all worth it. 

After handing out water, we were blessed by someone for a ride ticket for Gavin, so he was able to go on all the rides he wanted. His best friend was there, and we hooked up with him and his family, and he got to go on rides with him! They rode so many rides, and even went in two fun houses! I think their favorite was the big slide...they went down it over and over and over again:

They had a lot of fun, and I am so glad Gavin got to spend time with his friend. They love spending time together, but we all have busy lives, and it's hard to get them together very often. He is the first friend Gavin made after we moved here, three years ago, and they have been friends ever since. They met at the first soccer practice (I believe it was August or September) 2009, and were calling themselves best friends by the time it was over that day. Since, then, we have become close with his family, and his grandmother treats Gavin as one of her own grandchildren. It's wonderful for Gavin. 

The fair was a welcome evening of fun, after the busy week we had, with traveling to a doctor's appointment, physical therapy, and a week of VBS for Gavin. He also got to have fun on Thursday night at the city pool, when the church where he attended VBS had their Family Night, with swimming, pizza, and cookies. 

*This is Gavin and his friend on the plane ride at the fair*

This next week is the big week, with surgery on Wednesday. So, we're getting in all the fun stuff we can. He won't have a long recovery. It is typically only a couple days of rest, but he won't be able to play sports, play outside in the dirt, or swim, for a couple weeks. That is a BIG deal to Gavin, who is a very active kid. I plan to do as much with him inside as I can. He will probably watch a lot of TV, and play a lot of video games, but I hope to play some board games with him, and maybe some computer games. I am sure he won't be bored. He may be able to ride his bike, but I want to see that the doc says first. Well, it's off to cut up our melon for our snack, so I will close this up.

Thanks for reading!

-Mel

Five Days Til Surgery

My son is having surgery in five days. He's seven. This is his third eye surgery, but his eighth time either under general anesthesia or some form of sedation. This should be "old hat" to me; no big deal, right? WRONG! I am a nervous wreck, again. It's five days away, and I am starting to get the upset tummy, fiddly hands, and just all around nervousness. I don't know why I get like this. I have complete faith in the doctors and nursing staff at the hospital. I have complete faith that God will get him through it, yet he is my little boy, and I get scared every time they put him under. Every single time. 

What's even harder is they take him away from me while he is still awake, then put him under without me being in the room. I know when I have been  under general anesthesia, I almost go into a panic attack right before I go under. I wonder what he feels. The last two times, they have given him a medicine to help calm him down ahead of time, and to help him not remember being put under, so that has been helpful, I suppose. 

I have a lot to keep me busy over the next few days, so that should be helpful. We are spending some time with some friends this evening, and going to the fair. I will be cleaning my apartment from top to bottom this weekend, because I live in subsidized housing, and we have inspections next week. That will help keep my mind off of things. Of course, I will be starting my list of things to pack for our trip, since we have to travel for his surgery, and stay overnight in Louisville (3 hours away) the night before and the night of the surgery, to see the doctor the next day, before coming home. That is another thing that makes me nervous, being away from home, although we will be staying at Ronald McDonald House, which is my favorite place to stay in this situation. 

So, anyway, I am nervous. I do not let on to Gavin that I am nervous, as I don't want him to be scared because of me. To him, I act like this is all just a routine thing (which it really is), and there's no reason to be scared. If anyone has any tips for me, to not be nervous, although I probably still will be, because, like I said, I do have complete faith that it will all go well, please let me know. Until Wednesday, I might write a couple more times about this - just a warning...

Thanks for reading!

-Mel

Taking A Break...For Now!

Since I started this challenge of writing every day, I haven't mentioned my lifestyle change that I began in January, so I thought I would write a little about it today. I don't plan on my blog becoming all about my lifestyle change, weight loss journey, health kick,  or whatever I choose to call it that day, but I am sure I will post about it from time to time, so I thought I would catch you, my readers (all 4 of you), up on what's been going on in my life.

It all began with a challenge.

I was asked to join a friend who was doing a "Biggest Loser" challenge with some of her friends, and I thought "Why Not? Can't Hurt To Try!" So, I agreed. I had been toying with the idea for a couple months, anyway, but this kind of helped to motivate me a little more. In preparation for this challenge, I started researching "diets" and workouts, and all kinds of things, plus I started looking into buying some at-home gear to help me. I joined myfitnesspal.com, and read as much as I could about fitness on their forums. I decided that I was going to do things slowly, since that was what was recommended by a lot of experts, and I began counting calories, and working out. I have not cut anything out completely, but instead chose to modify my portions, and not eat unhealthy stuff ALL the time. I have upped my water intake, my veggie intake, and my protein, and have lowered my sugar, sodium, and fat intake...although, I still do eat those things, and eat things most people consider unhealthy. I also began working out, most days. I joined a gym, bought some stuff to work out at home, and began walking more. I lost 40 lbs, from late January, until June, but have since had to change some of my eating habits, and some of my exercise habits, and have gained a few lbs back. Only a few, though...I have been able to maintain the exact same weight for the past 2 weeks. This brings me back to why I originally posted this...

I am taking a short break, because I have some stuff coming up next week (my son is having surgery), and I need to focus on him, and not so much on my stuff, so I am going to not log calories or exercise until July 1. I plan to get right back at it, full force, beginning that day, though.

I don't feel like I have failed myself. I still think about what I am eating. I don't eat nearly as bad as what I ate, or nearly as much as what I ate, before January 30, 2012. Once I start back, it will be harder, because some of the reasons I have had to change my eating habits (financial reasons) will still be the same, but I plan to work on how I can do better at meal planning, healthier stuff with a tighter budget than before. I can step up my exercising, though, at home. I have no excuses, and now I have put it out on the World Wide Web, for all to see, and I plan to stick to my guns. 

So, Sunday, July 1, is a new month, and the beginning of a new week, so I will start a new person, to get the rest of this weight off, and get healthier, for myself, my son, and my life!

Thanks for reading!

-Mel

Wordless Wednesday

Pinewood Derby 2012

1st Place - Most Spirited

Busy Mom

How did I become such a busy mom? I only have ONE child, yet I feel like I run around for five! Today has been a very busy day...well, the last couple weeks have been very busy weeks, between Vacation Bible Schools, doctor's appointments for both of us, various errands, different meetings, physical therapy appointments, parties, and just all kinds of things...And, none of it seems like it will slow down until Saturday...then it picks right back up again on Sunday. 

I am actually very grateful to be able to do all these things with my child. We get to spend time together in the car, talking about all kinds of things, and he is a very funny, bright, and charming young man. He tells me stories, things he has learned, we talk about our life, and we sing...oh, how we sing! He is very observant, and is good at learning his surroundings, so he recognizes when we are places we have been before. 

I just enjoy spending as much time with him as I can, no matter what we are doing, even it means we are super busy...because I know that one day, he won't have time to spend with me, and I will miss him very much.

Now, I must run and get dinner out of the oven before it burns, so we can eat...we have Cub Scouts tonight (where I am his den leader), and we are going to the Fire Station! See? Busy, busy, busy!

Thanks for reading!

-Mel

I Wish I Were A Writer...

I wish I could come up with some awesome blog posts on a regular basis...

I wish I could come up with some creative ideas more...

I wish I could become a really good blogger...

I wish I could think of great topics to write about...

I wish I could come up with interesting things to write about...

I write about my life, which is really not that interesting, but it's my life, and I sometimes just need to type it out. 

I write about my son, who IS really interesting, but I can't make him seem all that interesting when I type it out.

I keep saying I want to write more, and more often, and then life happens, and I don't. I don't get a lot of traffic on this blog, and I am sure it is because of many reasons...because my posts are so few, my posts are not that interesting, my posts are not very well-written, or any other many reasons...

I am giving myself another challenge (I seem to do this quite often, and have yet to follow through), and I hope to follow through, somewhat...

My challenge is that I will write something, or post a picture, or something for 30 consecutive days...starting today. It may be a picture, a sentence, or a full-blown blog post. I have added the Blogger app to my phone, so I really have no excuses, right? I am going to actually shoot for the end of July, so that is more than 30 days...it is more like 42 (?) days...let's see if I can do it.

I wrote a post yesterday, but not many people saw it, because I didn't announce it to many. It was just getting some stuff off my chest, and I didn't want to offend anyone, so I didn't announce it, but then today I thought about it, and it's just facts, not lies, so I have no reason to fear offending anyone. Feel free to read it...you can find it here...if you choose to. Feel free to read all of my posts, if you want. You can find them all on this page.

So, here we go. Day 1 is done. Yeah, I know, not interesting. at all...but, oh well, this is my space, so I will write what I want...

Thanks for reading!

Picking Up the Broken Pieces of My Son's Heart...

Father's Day...a time of honoring Dads, right? Well, in my household, it is a time of confusion, and sadness, and hard conversations. Yes, I know my son is not the only kid in the world who doesn't know his dad, but he is MY son, and I am the one dealing with this right now, so I needed to write it all down. I will publish this, but not post it on my Facebook, because my son's father is there...as well as his daughters, and several other family members...but I just needed to get this off my chest, and this is my best outlet for it. 


My son went seven years without ever hearing from his father, and although it was tough, it was just what he was used to, and it was actually pretty simple. He knew his dad's name, and knew where he lived, but had never met him, or even heard from him, by phone, letter, email, text, or telegram...then, out of the blue, his new wife sent me a message on Facebook, telling me that he wanted to start a relationship with Gavin, but didn't know how to go about it. I was told that he talked about him a lot, and he felt like it was too late to just jump into his life. I was VERY leery. First off, I didn't hear from HIM...I heard from his new wife...and it had been 7 years...I have raised my son alone for 7 years, from day one, because his father has chosen to not be a part.


Ya see, I tried to keep him involved when my son was a baby...I sent him pics and letters, including addresses and phone numbers of how I could be reached (I had moved to a different city, although he had not made any effort to be there for the first few months, anyway). I never, ever, got a return letter from him. When my son had his first seizure, around 18 months old, I called him, to let him know, and ask about his family history...all he said was "no, no seizures"...never even asked about his son, to see if he was okay...when my son was diagnosed with a disability at age 2, I sent him another letter...again, without response. I gave up, and went on with my life.


When my son was 4, I decided to find his half-sisters that I knew about, and when I contacted them, they didn't even know that my son existed. I was not surprised, really, but it did kind of hurt me to know that he never told anyone about his son. His sisters decided that wanted a relationship with their brother (they were young adults by this time), and we set to work on building that relationship. Still, their father never contacted us, and chose not to be a part of his life. Another three years passed...


That brings us back to November, 2011...when I got a random message from my son's father's new wife...I prayed about it, and decided to ask my son what he wanted to do. He decided he would write a letter to his dad, and he wanted to send him pictures of himself from the time he was a baby until present day. We went through and printed a bunch of pictures off of my computer, and he wrote him a letter, and colored a couple pictures...and we mailed them all to his father. Within weeks, he received a response, along with a couple small gifts, and my son was SO excited to have a letter from his FATHER...he wrote him another letter, and the second response took a little longer, but it came...and he wrote him another letter...we mailed that one in March 2012, and it is now June, and he has not heard back from him since. So, now, my son is heartbroken, again, and of course, today was Father's Day, so that made it even harder for him. He is very confused, wondering if he will hear back from him, thinking maybe his last letter got lost in the mail...he has so many questions...and I have absolutely no answers. I am always having to pick up the pieces of my child's broken heart. I almost hate myself for allowing him to get his hopes up, of a relationship with his father...


Like I said, I needed to get this off my chest...if you are a subscriber, you will be the only ones who reads this, and I think I have like 2 subscribers...I may post it to Twitter, though...but if you read this, and have any suggestions, I welcome them...if not, that's okay. I am really just writing this to get it off my chest. If you have actually read to this point, thank you.

20 Years Ago

Hillsborough High School                   Photo by Richard Prado

 
This year marks 20 years since I graduated from high school. It's really hard to fathom. It doesn't feel like it has been 20 years most of the time. I just really don't feel like that much time has passed. But, it has, and I have to just face it.


When I was in high school, I wasn't one of the "popular" kids, although I seemed to know a lot of people. My friends were comprised of people from all sorts of "cliques" - from the "burnouts", ROTC kids, Band kids, dancerettes, choir and show choir kids, and maybe even what some considered "nerds." I don't think I was ever "cool," but I was okay with that, for the most part. I had some good times in high school, and had some good friends. 

I don't think I ever really fit in to any specific mold. I was in choir, ran sound for our show choir (Sound System), was in drama club, and spent a year on Yearbook. I was not athletic by any stretch of the imagination, so I never did sports. I never had any reason to hang out with any cheerleaders or jocks, unless they were in one of my classes. I never once spent any time with them outside of school. Maybe some people considered me a nerd, but I never felt like one. 


20 years later, and I have found a lot of people I knew (and some I didn't really KNOW) from high school, and I see where a lot of them have gone in their lives. I see a lot of success. Some are single, some are married, some are divorced, some have kids, and some don't. I kinda took a different road than many of them, and for a while it bothered me to see how I had not gone as far in life as many of them. Today, I feel different. I have traveled the path that I needed to, to get to where I am today.


I didn't go to college after high school. I ran away to another state with someone I thought I loved. It didn't work out, and I was back home in a few months. I later got married, and then got divorced. I still never went back to school. I did try school for a short time while I was married, but it didn't work out for various reasons. I kinda went from one dead-end job to another for many, many years. I moved from state to state, and didn't accomplish much. I just kind of floated around. In 2004, I gave birth to the best kid ever, alone. From then on, it was just us, and I knew I had to step up. I still was unsuccessful. I did make sure he had everything he needed. In 2006, we landed in a place where I had a great opportunity. I had a room to stay in, free child care, counseling to work on me, and then a chance to go to a technical school. I went to school for almost a year, and graduated with a 3.75 GPA in Accounting Specialist. That still didn't get me anywhere, as no one would hire me, for lack of experience. After a while, I found a job that didn't last (in a different field), and after losing that job, I moved to Kentucky. I now go to school and I am moving forward with my life. 


I consider myself successful. It may not be what other people consider successful, but to me it is. Yes, I still have things I need to work on, and one day I will work on those things. But, for now I am very happy with my life. I have a beautiful little boy, a few good friends, a roof over our head, and a fantastic church family. I may not have come a long way since high school, but I have come a long way in my life. I am happy with me, and that's what matters. 20 years ago, if anyone had told me this is where I'd be in 20 years, I would have cried. Now, I smile. My ideas of success have changed so much.

Back in the Routine

We are slowly getting back to our routine since school started back on yesterday. Of course, since last night was a scout night, we had to adjust to that, as well. Our normal Wednesday routine won't begin for another couple weeks, because there are special circumstances happening at church this week and next, and so we won't be there. My son played outside today for a while after coming home from school, then came in while I cooked dinner, and played some video games. After dinner, we watched a little TV, and he finished his "game time" for the night. We have a very special night time routine once he's had his bath, and I love it. We read a book (or a couple chapters). Then, before he goes to bed, he brushes his teeth, and we pray, and sometimes we do a nightly devotional. 

Family night time prayer is something I learned about while I was staying with some people that I babysat for when my son was very small. I had never seen or heard of it until that time. When I saw them do it, I knew right away that I would do that with Gavin. We've added it to it, a little here and there, and do night time devotionals for kids. One of our favorite devotional books is Goodnight Warrior by Sheila Walsh. It was actually a gift by the author a couple years ago, and now that Gavin can read on his own, it is even more special. I've also found several night time devotionals online. This is one routine I really don't like to break, but during this last break from school, we kind of got out of it. We prayed every night, but didn't read or do anything else. I'm just glad we have started the routine back up. 

Do you have any night time routines for your family?

School Daze

If you have read my blog in the past, or if you know me personally, you will note that I began taking online college classes in the Summer of 2010. I am working on my Associates, and was planning on pursuing my Bachelor's in Library Science after, but that may or may not change once I finish my Associates. Some things have changed in my life, to make me question if that's what I still want to do in my future. That's another post altogether, though, and I won't waste this one on that story.

My new semester, Spring 2012, begins in 6 days. Since I am unemployed at the moment, I decided to up my credit hours by taking one extra class. While I was working, I tried to take three classes at once, and had to drop a class, because I just couldn't handle it. Now that I have some extra time, I thought I might be able to concentrate on a third class, so I am giving it a go. I am really looking forward to my new classes, and I can't wait to see what God has in store for me to learn over the next few months. One of my goals, organizing my time, is something I plan to work on during this semester. 

At the beginning of each semester, I always start off putting together a calendar of everything I need to do, when assignments are due, and such, but have a hard time scheduling life activities around it. I hope to get better at this stuff. I am praying to get all done that needs to be done. I have a habit of doing well in one or two aspects of life, but falling behind in another area. I am praying that I can find the time and energy to not lack in any area. 

Do you have any tips? If so, please feel free to share them with me here, and I might give them a shot.

Yes, I Am Single. So?

I am single, and I am happy, for the most part. There are days I wish I was in a relationship, but I am not on the hunt for a man, because I wouldn't know what to do with one if I had one at this point. I say that kind of jokingly, but in all seriousness, I am not sure how I would handle having someone else around, since I have been alone for so long. I haven't even really "dated" since my son was a very little baby, and that was only very short lived. He is seven, now. I hung out with a guy I knew from junior high/high school that I found through MySpace (remember, MySpace?), a few years ago, and that ended REALLY bad, seeing as how he got arrested for child pornography, and since then I just fear exposing my child to anybody, especially someone I am dating. Even having friends hanging around my son makes me a little cautious. There were no "signs" that this guy was into this kind of stuff, and he had no record, since the 27 counts he incurred in 2009 was his first offense.

Anyway, back to the subject. I haven't really had a long term type relationship in over a decade, and I have been okay with it. I will always put my child first, and don't understand people who jump from one relationship to the next, exposing their children to one relationship to the next. It affects the kids, as much as it affects the people who break up. I see it all the time. I also see women who scour dating sites, looking for men, and putting their children on the back burner. I don't understand it. My child always comes first. If I ever do get a date, it will be a while before I would allow that person to be a part of my son's life. He is very easily attached, and I wouldn't want him to get hurt. I know a lot of people reading this won't agree with me, and that's okay. I am entitled to my own opinions, and I also am the one personally responsible for what happens in my child's life.

All this being said, I do hope that God places a man in my life, but if it never happens, I will be okay with it. There are a lot of men in my church and in scouts that can be male role models for my son, so I don't need to go out and find a man to fulfill that role. I am also not lonely. I have lots of things to keep me satisfied in my life, and I don't need a man to do any of that for me, either. I am not saying it is wrong for anyone else, it is just not for me. I have grown a lot in the last several years, and I am not out looking for a "quick fix" any longer. 

If God does decide to bring someone into my life, I will be grateful, though, and strive to be the best possible me I can. I won't allow someone else to define me, or tell me how I should be. I've done that in the past, as well, and it never got me anywhere but hurt. I have a list of attributes I would want in a man, and I will not settle for anything less than what I have on my list. I will not date a non-Christian. That is the very first thing on my list. At this point, my priorities are to God first, Gavin second, and myself third. I will continue to work on those things, and whatever else comes along will just be a bonus.

Traditions

I do not believe in superstition, but I do believe in tradition, and my whole life, as long as I can remember, no matter where I've lived, I have had black eyed peas on New Year's Day. I grew up in FL, and my mother always made black eyed peas in the slow cooker, and we were required to eat them every year. As I grew up, it became a tradition with me, as well. I also grew to like them. I don't remember liking them as a kid, and as an adult, I have tried different recipes, and tweaked them a little bit every year, and like them very much. There are other traditions that go along with it, that I never knew about. You can read more about them here. I don't remember my mother serving us greens (which is supposed to represent money), but she did serve cornbread. Of course, cornbread is something we always had with any kind of beans.

Today was no different. I got up this morning, and started on my peas. I have found I prefer cooking all of my beans/peas on the stove top, rather than the slow cooker, these days. I used to always use the slow cooker for everything, but once I tried it using a pot on the stove, I fell in love with that method for beans and peas from now on. Anyway, I started on my peas earlier, and they were ready to eat by lunch time. One thing I think that's great is that my seven year old loves them! He couldn't wait for them to be finished. He kept asking if they were done. He has never questioned why we always eat them on New Year's Day, until today. I explained the best I could about the tradition. I'm not sure how much he understood. I am happy that my son is interested in the traditions, and maybe when he grows up and has his own family, he will continue the same tradition.

I served my black eyes peas with rice, and had a roll. I didn't have any of the other traditional foods on hand, so I just went with what I had. I don't think my luck or life will be affected my my decision. The peas came out great, and we still have lots of left overs. Here's a picture of how they turned out: 

What kind of New Year's traditions does your family have?