A Humble Lesson

What a week! It has been a series of emotions this whole week. I had really high highs and really low lows, but I made it through. I found out this week that my drivers license had been reinstated in FL, and so I was going to be back on the road! I have been saving money and had enough to get everything I needed, my new Kentucky license, and my car insured and tagged in Kentucky. So, I started taking care of everything I needed to take care of. I went and got my Kentucky Drivers License. Then, I ran into a snag. I started looking for my car title, and couldn't find it. I searched through every piece of paper in my home, and then went to my car (which is being stored) and looked through it, and could not find my title. I had hit a bump. I called to find out how to get a duplicate title, and in the great state of FL, they just recently had a price increase on EVERYTHING and to get a duplicate, it was going to cost me. The price of a title in August 2009 was $29.25, but as of September 1, 2009, they jumped to $78.25! So, for me to get a duplicate title, to continue on my path of being back on the road, I would need to fill out a form I got online, print it, and mail it to FL with a check for $78.25. 

So, today, I got up and went to the library, and filled out the form I needed, and printed it, and wrote out a check for $78.25 and mailed it. Now, I wait. I have no idea how long this will take. It has to travel to FL, and then they have to process it, and then Tallahassee will send me a duplicate title. Once I get the title, I can then go insure my car, and then take it to the courthouse and register it. 

I have not driven my car since September, when I found out my license was suspended for an unpaid traffic citation I received a week after losing my job in April. I had forgotten all about the ticket, and had no idea my license was suspended, but was fortunate enough to find out before I was pulled over and arrested for driving without a license. This has been a very humbling experience, since I live in a town without any form of public transportation, and in September, I barely knew anyone in town. I live just far enough from the middle of town that walking to a grocery store would be impossible, especially with a young child. So, I had to start asking for help in forms of rides to the store and to and from church and anywhere else I needed to go. God has provided the people in my life to get us where we have needed. I am very grateful for those people. I have made some new friends through this. 

I will be happy to be able to be on the road again. I will be able to start taking measures towards looking for a job again.I will be able to go to a store without having to make a whole plan of who is going to take us and when can they come. If I need something, I will be able to just walk out the door, get in my car, and go. And I can visit other people without them having to come pick me up and take me back to their house. Gavin is looking forward to it, too. We can leave his carseat in our car, instead of having to tote it around when we need to go somewhere. I do thank God, though, for teaching me a lesson in humility, and allowing me to be humble and asking for help when I needed it. Also, I thank God for putting such wonderful people in my life that have helped us for the last few months, and if there is ever a way I can help any of them, or anyone else, then I will do so.

Being Sick Ain't Pretty

First off, I would like to say that I am hardly ever sick since I had my tonsils out and quit smoking. Those things combined made my life so much better, since I stayed sick for months at a time before I did. 

I am now sick with Pleurisy. No one has explained what has CAUSED it, but that is what the doc is pretty sure I have. I have been sick now for almost two weeks, and I really dislike it.  I started having pains when I breathe a couple weeks ago, and I just thought of it as uncomfortable pain, then it gradually got worse. By Sunday that week, I was in enough pain to mention it at Sunday School, and my SS teacher said it sounded like pleurisy. I wasn't having any other symptoms, except the painful breathing, mostly in my back, at that point, so I dismissed it. The pain lasted a couple more days, and I made an appointment to see my new physician for Thursday (1/7), but by Tuesday (1/5), the pain was so bad, it was now also in my chest, and I was starting to have some problems breathing normally, I ended up going to the ER. The doc at the ER said I sounded clear and he just thought it might be a muscle pain and sent me home with a new appointment with my doc for the following Monday and a Z-Pack, just in case it was a beginning of an infection. I went through several days of pain, including the fun snow days with my son, and didn't like it at all. By Monday, I was ready to see the doc, so I went to my appointment. 

The doctor examined me, looked at my records from the ER (which was only a short physical exam), and told me he thought I had pleurisy. He prescribed a steroid for me to take for 12 days, another type of antibiotic, and a pain medicine. 

I have been on the meds now for three full days and am starting my fourth day. I still feel bad. I had a good two hours in the middle of the day yesterday where it didn't feel as bad, but as soon as it came back, it was like a blow to the ribs! 

The part I don't like about this, mostly, besides being in pain (which I REALLY don't like), is that I can't do a whole lot. When I try to do normal things, like cook dinner, or give my kid a bath, it knocks all the energy I have stored up, by sitting on the couch, right out of me. My house is a wreck, and I need to clean it. I would like to do a little more play time with my son. I look how I feel, as well (like crap). I just want to feel better soon. I have been praying to God to please heal me, and I know he will eventually, it just seems to be in His time, not mine. Which, of course, is His design.

So, in the mean time, I have been catching up with old friends on Facebook, and I have been reading my Bible more. I am on a challenge this month to read 31 Chapters of Proverbs in 31 Days. Today is Day 14. I have actually been able to keep up. I am growing more in my walk with Christ, by also reading a lot of Christian blogs. I have found amazing writers through other amazing writers, and have had a lot of life's lessons revealed to me over the last several days. I added some of them to my Blog Roll, and I encourage you to read them, as well. And you can find others from their Blog Rolls, and people who comment on their posts. If you have the time, it would be very rewarding, I promise. 


Thanks for taking the time to read my post. If you read it, please comment. I would like to know what you are thinking of my blog. I have kept up my commitment to myself, as well, so far, and for that I am truly grateful. Until next time.....

Snow!

We woke up Thursday morning to a phone call from the School Board saying there was no school. I knew there would be a chance of this, and had prepared Gavin by telling him it MIGHT snow, and he MIGHT NOT have school. Well, he was excited, because, as you know, we are from FL, and it does not snow there, and we had never seen snow! Well, the phone call woke us both, and as soon as I told Gavin, he ran to the window and GASPED! He was amazed at all the snow on the ground and wanted to immediately put on his boots and jacket and gloves and go out in it. Well, it was not yet 6 AM, and still dark, so I convinced him to wait until the sun had risen. He kept going to the window to see if it was light outside yet, and was discouraged every five minutes until a little over an hour had passed. We finally got to gear up and go outside and we were both SO THRILLED! This is how he looked the very first minute he was standing in snow:

As you can see he is so excited! And it is still kinda dark outside. We had such a good time, he liked the way it crunched beneath his feet when he walked, he loved running around in it and leaving giant footprints behind, and he liked trying to make snowballs. I had to make snowballs for him, and then hand them to him, so he could throw them....at me! That is true love when you do something so someone else can target you. The smile on his face never wavered throughout the whole time we were outside. He had so much fun. I was thrilled, as it was my first time seeing the powdery white stuff as well, and I really enjoyed everything about it. I kept looking around and thinking about God and how He is perfect and how beautiful a world He has designed for us to live in. He amazes me more and more every day. Gavin's favorite part of playing in the snow was making snow angels. We went out three times total yesterday and he made so many snow angels. My child is awesome and he loves the snow, and he knows that God made the snow. So, today we still have snow on the ground, and we are going to go back out and play in it and make snow angels to glorify God. I have to try to remember to glorify God in everything I do today. Without Him, I wouldn't exist, and without Jesus Christ, I wouldn't be who I am today. 

Please Stop Judging Me: A Rant

I am so tired of people downing me because of how I am surviving! I have had so many people talk crap to me lately about getting assistance. Ya know, I am doing what I need to do to take care of my family and if you don't like it, don't talk to me. I will not need assistance forever! If I didn't get assistance, my child would be in foster care, where the GOVERNMENT would be paying to house my child with people he doesn’t know....At least he is with me, and I think that is more important than any assistance I get. I am just so over this. I am a single mom of a special needs child living in a screwed up economy. I am doing the best with what I have! I have an education, but that education has failed me. I am unable to find work in the field that I worked so hard in school for. I do not feel like the world owes me anything! I am not just some welfare mom asking for handouts. I WANT to work, I WANT things for me and my son. I have been jumping through all kinds of hoops, and I am working on going back to school YET AGAIN. It just scares me that if I go to school again, that again I will be looking for work and not find it. No one has hired me because all I have is school and no experience. If I go to school again, who is to say that is not going to happen again?

I know it was MY decision to bring my child into the world, and I would not give him up for anything. He is my whole life. His existence changed me, for the better. I might not be alive today if it weren’t for him. His existence renewed my faith in Jesus Christ. I know God gave him to me for a reason. My son is destined for great things. And if it takes me having to live on food stamps and a little government assistance for a while, then that is what I will do.

I know that I have made poor decisions, but I cannot change any decisions I have already made! And I don’t have any regrets, because everything I have done in my life has brought me to where I am today. For me to work, I may have to have child care assistance, as well. Will I get snubbed by people yet again? I have no family where I live, and even if I lived where my family lived, they are not responsible to take care of my child so I can work. That is up to me to find the help out there. So, the people who have family willing to help them, I think that is awesome! Instead of snubbing others who don’t have the family support, you should be thankful for the help your family gives you. Not everyone has that.

I started working at 14 years old. I have worked since I have had my child. I have not just sat on my butt collecting welfare since he was born. I went to school to better my life, and it hasn’t bettered my life in any way, except by showing me that I can finish something I started.  I don’t have a husband, and I don’t think I ever will. I am a survivor, though.  Most of you have no idea what my life was like before I came back to the Lord. I am working so hard in deepening my relationship with Jesus Christ on a daily basis. I just hope someday you feel the same connection with Him. I am so sorry you are not willing to just let me be who I am without judging me, because I will continue on this path with or without you. I just hope it is with you.